The Rebirth of the Church

I'm shedding my Vanilla Thunder identity as of today. My dunking quest is over. Can't even get rim any more. I'm just me and I intend to set out a chronicle of post-prime basketball in all its infamies, ingloriousness, with detours for its small victories.

I'm feeling inspired to restart the Church of the Hardwood blog after last night's fiasco: my city league team lost by 36 points. And here's the saddest part: it was one of our better outings. My knees have passed from creaky to burny. I threw up an airball and collected four fouls. I have just written a quote from Samuel Beckett on a post-it note and put it up on my computer at work:

"Try again. Fail again. Fail better."

Dunking Quest: Day #????

It's been months since Vanilla Thunder blogged about his quest to dunk a basketball. Well, he ain't dunking no basketball. It's not happening. Ever. He doesn't even jump to get rebounds anymore. The only dunking you're doing is in your dreams, old man. Stanley Fish will dunk before Vanilla Thunder.

Coach on the Floor

Had a testy encounter with The Coach on the Floor today. Coach yelled "top" every time V.T. got post position. Excuse me Coach, but "top?" What is that? Do you mean "check it up top"?

Basketball barf

V.T. isn't ready to report on his quest to dunk a basketball for the first time since High School. There's just not much to say on that front.

A bizarre sight yesterday, on one of the many Hardwood Churches. An out-of-shape baller runs up and down the court a few times. He's calls for a time out, walks over to a garbage can, vomits, then comes back on the court as if nothing had happened.

"Balls in!" he says.

Vanilla Thunder Dunking Quest: Day 18

V.T. will bring you his quest to dunk a basketball in the form of haiku:

Old man skipping rope
Grinding knees, cracking ankles
Metal rim--how far!

V. T.'s Dunking Experiment: Day 10

Went to the court yesterday, saw a few guys shooting around. Jogged around the track a few times, getting the hammies warmed up. And then, when no one was looking, jumped. Jumped as high as possible. The knees weren't happy about it but was surprised to have a finger graze the rime. Wow. An ecstatic feeling for an aging b-ball player with one bad knee, one bad ankle and 20 pounds of extra weight. The regime is getting me there.

V.T.'s Dunking Experiment: Day Eight

Today at noon, V.T. will attempt to grab the rim. He's pretty nervous about it and hopes no one witnesses his jumping ability. He's only a week into the regime, but it's time to see how far he has to go.

V.T.'s Dunking Experiment: Day Three

Went to the gym to resume the dunking workout but left gym card at home. Ran some stairs and jumped as high as possible 60 times. 100 push ups. A few sprints around the track outside. Not getting very far off the ground. It's looking doubtful V.T. will ever get past the rim.

V.T.'s Dunking Experiment: Day Two

V.T. is modifying his dunking experiment. That surfer dude's dunking regime included the South Beach Diet, as his friend Dave just reminded him. V.T. seriously doubts that carbs will affect his dunking. Surely he can dunk and continue to eat Frosted Mini Wheats for breakfast.

V.T.'s Dunking Experiment: Day One

It's not really original, but Vanilla Thunder is going to try an experiment. After reading about this 33 year-old, 5'8'' surfer dude learning to dunk for the first time in his life, V.T. got inspired. He once dunked in high school. Once, in a scrimmage his junior year against Bishop Kelley high school in Tulsa. Then he got tendinitis and currently weighs about 30 pounds more than he weighed back then. But if this guy can dunk with his 21'' vertical leap, V.T. thinks he can, too.

For the next few months, V.T. is going to chronicle his attempts to dunk a basketball. Keep in mind, he's a six-foot, 206 pound 34 year-old with marginal athletic skills. But he is fanatical about his basketball and there is nothing more satisfying in the game than dunking.

Day One:
V.T. encounters an article about dunking while procrastinating on his grading. He decides that he can do it. He will give himself one year to complete the task of dunking a basketball. He prints the article, weighs down a backpack and jogs 2 miles to the gym. 10 minutes spent jumping rope and 10 minutes spent jumping as high as he can. He is tired. His knees feel 30 years older than he does. This is the end of day one. V.T. is skeptical that he will ever dunk a basketball again. But he will go on. He must go on.